How not to be a Perfect Heir
by PearlsPleasure
Summary: Welcome! You are about to enter the world of Rei. She... Oops, I mean he, is the new 'sleek and cool' heir of Soma Mitsuchi. (Not that she/he is to happy about it and to be honest Rei is NOT sleek and cool.) See how Rei encounters the challenges of hiding who she is, making new friends, maybe a few enemies and just might possibly find... Love?
1. Chapter 1: New Beginnings

**How I write my stories is, I really just write whats at the top of my head. Which, I know I should start planning ahead and what-not, but I rarely do. I'm going to try to do that more for this story and actually make it stick. Of course, I want to see if this story actually will be liked before I give it my all. So, after you read this if you could possibly review that would mean the WORLD to me. I want to make this story go on and I also want you all to get attached to my character.**

 **My last words are, please enjoy, review, and also, I do not own Ouran!**

 **(** _ **Update, I have improved this chapter from its original script on March 26, 2017)**_

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Chapter 1: Lets Begin my New Life

Have you ever been forced not to show your breasts? Okay, that is the wrong way to phrase this. What I mean is, were you ever told you had to bind your chest because you will get disowned if you don't? Well, I have and let me tell you, it is very emotionally and mentally draining to be forced to pretend to be a male when clearly I am not, and have no desire to be.

My name is Rei. I have recently been adopted by Soma Mitsuchi, you might know him from his electronics company: Mitsuchi Go!, leading cell phone provider in Japan as of now.

Being adopted by Soma Mitsuchi may mean that I am now a child of a multi-billionare, and can now finally have bookshelf upon bookshelf of manga and american comics, (Sweet!) but it also means I now have to pose as a dude,...

Yeah, I am not that stoaked about that.

You see, Soma never had any children because he isn't a loving type of guy who would go out there and fall for a lady and bear children with. He thought of that as something... Lets see, How did he phrase this? "Raising a family is a waste of time. I would rather pick up a teenager and train them my principals and values to be a perfect little puppet even when I pass." (Imagine this being said in a gruff older man voice with a hint of evil monotone.)

And you may be wondering, "Why Rei? Why not a good looking smart guy?" Well, again, as the amazing speaker Soma is, he said:

"I picked you because as a girl posing as a guy you will not want to get with a woman and is not on any circumstances allowed to be with guys. A family is out of the question. You will do the same as me. Adopt, teach the business while gaining crowd pleasure from said adopting, and the cycle will continue."

Pretty much I will be trained as a robot for this company. A female, trying to pull off guy, robot who wraps their mechanical breast and yada yada yada...

Hearing all this made me want to go back to the group home where I would struggle by and live a so-so life, maybe working at a cafe for the rest of my days. But, it was too late now.

Maybe I shouldn't be complaining since people would kill for this, but this is so different than what I'm use to, it is honestly scary. To add to the scaryness, I will be starting at Ouran, a prestigious rich kid school as Rei Mitsuchi. Male... Sleek and cool.

Watch out Ouran, here I come!

* * *

Looking in the mirror, I see a crued outline of the person that is me, but isn't. Instead of long, sleek dark brown hair it is cut short and longer in the front, with bangs that are choppy and swept over to the side. Instead of my size B breast, they are bound tight to reduce the size and make them as flat as can be. Instead of my big 'hipster' glasses, I now wear contacts showing off my dark blue eyes.

I believe if I had a brother this is what he would look like. He would maybe be taller though, standing at 5'2 I wasn't very intimidating. I definitely won't threaten people with my height and stature.

A knock was heard on the other side of the door, "Sir, you might want to hurry, school starts in thirty minutes and your limo is waiting for you!"

The help was never allowed to enter unless given permission.. very few knew about my secret. Soma, Riiko the head maid, and Chojiki, the head butler, were the only ones to know. Typically, I clean and do things myself. I'm more comfortable that way anyways.

"Coming!"

I took one last glance in the mirror, situating my tie so it looked perfect and dashed out the door, making the maid jump and give me a side-long dirty look.

"Here you are, Ouran Academy!"

The driver gave me a smile. He was sincerely a good man, if only Soma was like that. You know, the smiling type.

"Thank you sir, I'll call when I am ready to be picked up."

"Alrighty, and please, call me Jojin." Grinning again.

"Okay, thanks Jojin." I smiled back at him.

Looking at the school, I couldn't help but to bust out laughing.

The school was just so... soo...

Girly and pink! when did I enter a Shoujo manga?

My old roomate would look at it and say very unlady like and in her own special way, "GAY!"

Someone please, save me from this new life of mine!

* * *

I swear, this school is HUGE. I was sprinting trying to find classroom 1A before the bell rang and nearly had a heart attack before I plopped so very unattractively down at a random desk, which happened to be in the middle of the room. Literally, the middle.

Everyones head swiveled around to look at me, and I can hear a pair of twins chuckling a few seats away.. They all looked like they were waiting for me to speak, like I had a speech to prepare. If I would have known that I would have busted out the flashcards! Dammit Rei! Sleek and cool!

"This place needs some fucking maps or a tour guide, maybe some arrows to guide the newbs, maybe all three. But what the hell do I know? How many rooms are in this building? This place is insane in the membrane, you know what I am Sayin'?"

That was totally not sleek and cool... Now I am getting glares, Nice.

"Ahem..."

A middle aged man with circular glasses and hair that would make Donald Trump faint in fright was looking straight at me...

"Goodmorning young man. If you are done being a disturbance to the class, my name is Don sensei. Welcome to 1A."

Double shit.

Without even a proper introduction to the class,.. Which by the way, I hope Soma-Kun doesn't ever find out about how I humiliated myself today, Trump sensei (thou he shall be dubbed), did his best to make me feel excluded from everyone. I raise my hand to answer a question, (mind you, I was waving that thing in the air like one of those happy inflattable flailing arm tubeman.) and he picked the only other hand, which was hardly noticeable because she had it up to her shoulder and looked unsure she was suppose to be there. And, to add insult to injury, she was freaking wrong!

So, as the eager little student I was, I raised my arm again; jumping up and down doing a full Hermoine Granger.

The twins that are behind me started pounding their fists on the desk, trying to hold back laughter. Trump sensei looked right at me, his hair piece seemed to flap in the non-existent wind, a gleam in his eye was showing. Maybe, just maybe, this was my chance and right when my glorious chance had come to prove myself and show everyone I am smart, sleek, cool, glorious, the almighty...

"Sit. Down." he snarled and gave me a murderous, icy look.

Oh..Trump now became Snape!

"Fujioka Haruhi, whatt is the answer?"

I looked to see who had gotten my should-be spot on the answer game and I see a guy with brown hair and big ole brown eyes, and a slim figure. I think he was even a little shorter than me.

"The answer is 7 over 4 sensei."

"Correct."

Haruhi sat back down and Trump precided to teach and glare at me the rest of class. His hair piece daunting me the whole time.

* * *

After class I gathered up my things and started to head out, thinking of the delishes lunch this school had to offer. Maybe some filet mignon with a side of calamari? Some Umu or whatever fish and champagne from a flute? Maybe it was buffet style and there was just every delicacy known to human kind. As my mind wandered, I didn't notice two orange haired twins sneak up behind me.

"Rei Mitsuchi, correct?"

Jumping at the way they said it at the same time and how they were now leaning over me, I looked to see the two giggling orange haired twins.

"Uh...Yeah?" How dare they interrupt my daydream of a mulitmillionare food buffet.

"Hikaru, he seems startled."

"He is probably just jealous of our looks, I mean look at his choppy hair that scream 2007." One of them said with a shrug and a smirk.

"Hey! My hair is awesome! You have no room to talk anyways your guys's hair isn't exactly even as well bubs."

One of the twins, the one that was being called Hikaru? Came over and started messing with my bangs.

"Your hair looks like Pete Wentz and Jacoby Shaddix had a baby and put it on your head." Now the other one was poking my hair like it really was a living baby on my scalp.

"...Are you complimenting me or insulting me?" How the heck did they know those bands, I'll never know. They didn't seem like the type to listen to that type of genre.

"Insulting." They said at the same time.

Fuck you guys too, you fashion police creep-twins.

Hikaru finally stopped messing with my hair and tsked.

"Well, you might not be hopeless. Come to the Host Club sometime at Music Room 3 and we will make sure 2007 stays back in 2007."

I could feel my cheeks turn ten different shades of red as the twins swaggered towards the door. Before they were completely out, the twin I didn't catch the name of turned around with a soft smile on his lips.

"By the way, thanks for making class interesting today, Don sensei is a drag. Your waving around and Don sensei glaring at you was hilarous!"

WIth that, the creeps left, leaving me by myself with my thoughts. My first day at school has not gone as planned. Instead of being 'sleek and cool' I am 'dorky and weird' I've managed to piss off a teacher, and have two strange twins insult/compliment me? I am just ready to find some fancy food and survive this day before anything else goes wrong.

Where is my damn rich kid food!

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 **This chapter keeps improving and improving by how much I add on to it and correct grammar and spelling! Some of you who are following this are probably thinking, get on with more chapters! Well, I promise I am trying. I have been going through a lot and have now gotten my writing groove back. I should have a new chapter shortly. Thank you all for your patience.**


	2. Chapter 2: Woah there Partna!

**Guess what has been updated, you guessed it, this chapter has been as well! I tried to add more dialogue and correct what I saw needed to be corrected. I hope you all stick with me as I write more of this story and see how Rei grows and how my writing will change and hopefully, get better. I enjoy my character so much, she honestly kind of molded herself. When I write what she does or says, I never know what exactly will happen next! With that,.. Please enjoy this next chapter and more to come!**

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Chapter 2: Woah there, Partna'!

As soon as I got into the cafeteria, the bell rang for class switch. Damn twins, holding me up... Damn school, for being so complicated with all these rooms and twisty turvy halls that form a labrynth of impossibility. I had enough time to notice there was no buffet, but it did look like a beautiful cafeteria and the food liked like heaven on a fancy tray. Sadly, with a rumbling tummy I trudged my way to my class.

The rest of the day was me trying to find where everything is. Making myself manage to look even more uncool, and seeing the twins around every corner. I don't know if it was a coincidence, or if they are following me...

What did they say earlier? Something about a music room 3? Why is there 3 music rooms? Is music that popular here? Is it split into like, classical, jazz, and maybe, folk? Is that how music works? They have so many rooms here its unbelievable.

As my thoughts wander into country music, imagining the students tuning up a banjo in overalls with a piece of straw in their mouths, while lil' ladies do' si' doed to their hearts content, I so elegantly walked smack-dab into someone. So naturally, I said the first thing that popped into my head without looking up.

"Woah ho ho! Sorry there, Partna'"

What the hell is wrong with me? Can't I be normal for once?!

Blushing, I looked up to see a giant of a man. He was stone-faced and looked slightly like one of those easter island heads. He looked like he could literally, take on anyone. I would definitely root for him. On top of his well built shoulders was a cute, little blondie with big ole adorable eyes. I instantly wanted to squeel, but thinking better of it, I tried to mantain my face, even if it was currently red from my inner cowboy/girl coming out.

"Takashi, who is that? Is he a foreigner? He is talking like a cowboy! Wow!" The little guy leaned in to get a better look at me. Which only caused the redness to spread.

"hn"

The blondie scurried down from Takashi and walked right up to me with a huge adorable smile on his face.

"Ne, what is your name? Are you new here? What year are you? Do you like cake? You have to like it, please tell me you do!"

One after another I was thrown question after question, and all I could do was was just staring at me with a arched brow.

"Uh... I am Rei. Mitsuchi Rei. And... Yes?" I said the last bit like a question becasue honestly, I forgot what all he asked.

" I am Mitsukini Haninozuka, but you can call me Hani, The guy you bumped into is Takashi Morinuzka, but you can call him Mori! We are third years in class 3-A. What is your class Rei-Chan?!"

Did...He just call me Rei-Chan?

Blushing I stammered, "1-A...I...I am...The uh...a new." If you haven't guessed by now I have a weakness for cute and cute makes me nervous. Like, how does one even become cute? I have tried for years. I have yet to find the secret!

Hani was looking up at me, his head arched. He could clearly tell I was having a hard time with speaking. He giggled and gave me another big grin.

"The twins are in the same class as you, have you talked to them yet?"

Speaking of twins, that brought me back to the whole music room thing. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to go check it out. It wouldn't hurt to try and make friends with these high classers, gain assets to appease Soma maybe even get some cool points.

"Uh, yeah. Actually, they wanted me to meet them at a music room... The third one. Do you happen to know where that is?" Finally, I am taking control of my actions again. His cuteness isn't affecting me as much. Maybe picturing the devil twins has subsided the cute blonde.

But then, his face lit up in a way I have never seen before. My cheeks are red again. Oh I wish I could pinch his cheeks! My eyes never fully recovered.

"Yes! Yes! Takashi and I are heading there now. Follow..." He starts jogging off at this point, "me!" And he is gone. Leaving me and Mori behind.

I look up to the tall man, "What now, partna?"

He just looked at me and even though he seems like the type of person who never shows any emotion, I swear I saw his brow arch in a way that says, "Really?"

He walks past me towards the way Hani ran.

Might as well follow.

* * *

The walk to the room was very unentertaining. Honestly, it was just filled with an awkward silence as I followed Mori. Hani was no where in sight the whole time. He must have sprinted the whole way to the room. For a short dude, he sure knew how to run.

Mori stopped in front of two large doors, over-top was a sign that said, "Music room 3". He paused at the doors, successfully causing a dramatic feel that slightly unsettled my stomach. I couldn't help but nervously twiddle my thumbs as Mori pulled open the doors.

Inside, was a moronathon of epic proportions.

Hani was seated comfortably at a chair, looking over various desserts deciding in what order he would eat them. The twins seem to be harrasing the kid from class while a tall, elegant blonde guy screeches at them to, "get a way from my precious 'Haruhi!'" followed by out of place black haired dude who types away on a laptop like he is in a Starbucks just enjoying the atmosphere.

Mori had already waltzed right over to Hani's side, leaving me to gap at the scene in my lonesome.

So, of course, I did the only logical thing I could think of in that moment, and tried to slowly back out of the place as quietly as possible...

"Hey look Hikaru, Rei-Kun showed up."

"Of course he would. I mean, who wouldn't want to try and improve that monstrosity of a hair-do?"

The twin that noticed me when I was backing out started to visibly droop.

"Hikaru,... I bet you like the idea of doing Rei's hair. Finally, someone to model for you without looking at someone that is so similar to you..."

What the fuck is going on...?

"Oh Karou..." Que dramatic pose in which Hikaru caresses Karous face.

"I would rather you model for me, you are indeed perfection. No one could possibly take your place."

"Hikaru..."

"I knew this school was fucked up! I thought rich people didn't do the whole incest thing anymore, at least, not in this century! I'm gone. Done. Heading on the Nope train to Fuck-its-Ville!" Must. Escape. Abort...Abort...!

"Why, who is this? A young man has wandered into my kingdom wishing to join its ranks perhaps? Or maybe, he is here to meet the one and only king?"

The blonde guy who was yelling at the twins approached me as I was for the second time, trying to leave. I'll admit, he was a pretty handsome guy. Tall, elegant, with strange violet eyes that seemed to entrance any lady who looks. But, he seemed to annoyingly perfect.

"Actually, I'm just trying to leave.. Sorry for disturbing you all. Won't happen again. See ya'll.."

I managed to take one more step backwards before I was grabbed by blondie.

"Wait! What is your name? I have never seen you around before."

"That is because I am new. Rei... Mitsuchi Rei. Can I go now..."

"Ah yes, Rei Mistuchi. Recently adopted by Soma Mitsuchi of the famous Mitsuchi Go! leading cell phone provider of Japan. Originally born commoner."

The black haired guy was now standing next to us.

"Have you been stalking me?" Honestly, this wouldn't be the most surprising thing today. With a sensei that reminds me of Donald Trump, Ironically is named Don-Sensei, incestious twins, a pink school filled with snobby kids, me pretending to be a boy, stalking just seems...normal. Well, not normal. But, you get what I mean.

The dark haired man pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, causing them to somehow shade his eyes and bring about a dark look.

"No. I just like to be well informed of potential business opportunities. I am Kyoya Ootori. The idiot that has been rambling to you is Tamaki Souh. Over there is Haruhi, he is our newest member, commoner born. It seems you know the twins, and have met Hani and Mori senpai. We all make up the Host Club. Surely, you have already heard of us."

I took in the information Kyoya threw at me, letting it roll around my head for a few. The name Souh sounds familiar. I think Soma was telling me something important about them a while ago, that I of course was hardly listening to.

"Wait..Host Club? What is that?"

"(Gasp) Mommy! He hasn't heard of us!"

"Senpai, this is his first day here. of course he might not know what the host club is." The short brown haired guy with the big ole eyes quirked in.

"Yeah, what uh... Haruhi, was it? said. I've barely talked to anyone in this strange school. I just came here because I was curious of what these freaking twins wanted to do!"

Tamaki swept back into the spotlight.

"Well my little curious kitty, the Host Club is a group of young men with way to much time on their hands, to entertain young ladies who also have to much time on their hands. We all have a type. I..." He knelt down on one knee, and looked up at me. I couldn't help but quirk an eyebrow. 'What is this idiot doing?'

"Am the Princely type!"

"Are you sure, you seem to be more of the Jester type."

...


	3. Chapter 3: Extreme Makeover: Rei Edition

**Finally, here is chapter 3. This one is shorter than my other chapters but I might go back later and edit it to make it a little longer. I'll be working on chapter 4 as well, and SHOULD have it out in the next month or less. (Fingers crossed) Please, review and tell me what you think. I would really appreciate it.**

 **Thank you!**

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Chapter 3: Extreme Makeover: Rei Edition

Tamaki did not take to well to my comment about being a jester. I have never seen someone start crying as fast and as fiercely as he did in that moment. Which only was as hilarious as my accurate suggestion of him being a jester was spot on. amuse me fool... Show me thy tears!... Okay Rei, calm down on the sadistic tone, just because glasses is next to you doesn't give you the right to be sadistic.

"HARUHI! I AM NOT A COMMON FOOL AM I?! I am a...A STUNNING AND CHARMING KING. ALL WHO GAZE GET LOST IN MY ROYAL CHARM AND HANDSOME DEMEANOR. Right... Ha..Haruhi...?" Tamaki ran over to Haruhi, seeking comfort and a shoulder to cry on.

Poor Haruhi. His uniform is going to be soaked from all the tears.

As Tamaki ran up on Haruhi for comfort, Haruhi stuck his hand out and kept him a safe distance away.

"Senpai, you are acting like a fool right now! Calm down and quit trying to cry all over my uniform, it cost a fortune to get this dry cleaned after the last time you cried all over me."

"HAHAHA! Boss you are a fool! Boss is a fo~ol! Boss is a fo~ol!" they chanted as they circled and skipped around him.

"get away you evil twins! Shoo~ Shoo~!"

Okay, I can't watch this anymore.

"Well guys, look at the time, I really must be going. I cannot miss my,.. uh thing. So excuse me as I go see/do my...thing. It is a very important thing... A thing in which I cannot miss... This... Thing."

"Well~ Bye!" Que: Running.

Random twin: "Mori, stop him!"

Que: Body Slam!

* * *

Sitting in a chair with one of those tarp things they put over you when you get your hair cut at a salon that scratches your neck and makes you look like a tent with a head was never a part of my agenda today for school. I mean, I didn't do anything I really wanted to do today anyways. 1. Look sleek and cool to impress Soma, Nope. 2. Not to be to weird and noticable. Double nope. 3. Eat some fancy food, perferrably, buffet style. That one is a hell no.

So hell, why not end up in a chair with this stupid tarp thingy on me. As long as they don't make me look like Don Sensei, I hardly care at this point.

The twins are scheming at a vanity across my way, seeming to draw up a blueprint for my impending doom. The other host are shooing away the last of their customers, Tamaki and Hani keep peeking over curious as to what construction is going to happen to me. So far, I think I like Haruhi and Hani the best. Mori is okay to, in the statue kind of way. Haruhi seems to be the most calm one, and Hani is just... a cutiepie. So there. My logic may not be sound, but it has a form!

After a while, everyone gathered around, even pulled up some chairs to get closer. The twins were pulling out there weapons, (Sissors,..not anything perverted.) and went to town on my hair. I could hardly figure out what the hell was going on, besides a few snips here and a few there, even some plucking of my brows. A little mouse and styling gel for flavor and... they presented me to the others.

"Presenting: present day Rei! No 2007 bullshit."

There was a few pleasent hums and nods of approval. Obviously, not a big transformation. If they had seen me a few months ago and then seen me now, now that is a transformation!

"It does suite you better Rei-Chan! You look more... you!"

"Agreed Hani Senpai. He does look less feral now." Well gee, thanks Kyoya.

and what does Hani mean by more.. me? I guess there is only one way to find out. I slowly turned my chair around so I was facing the vanity mirror. What I saw was a... big lame dork.

My hair was tamed, I had a small cowlick that didn't seem to want to go down. I somehow looked more, timid. Less threatening and crazy, more goofy and silly. How am I suppose to impress Soma if I looked like an unimpressive dorkling? Okay, maybe that is what I am but still, people don't need to know that right off the get go.

"What do you think Rei?" One of the twins, maybe Karou asked.

"I look like a fresh faced dork."

"Thats because you are, idiot." Hikaru, I believe. He got a glare and a swat.

"I am not! I am cool, (Enter cool face here) I keep it fresh yo. Fo shizzle."

...

Tamaki patted my shoulder and looked like he was about to tell me my pet dog had died...

"Rei-kun, I am sorry to say but you are not cool my underling... you are simply... dorky."

"Wh...Whatever you jester! I have coolness. You all just have not witnessed my final form! Now if you will excuse me, I have to get going. My chariot awaits and I must report to home base in order to get my feasting and resting until tomorrow... Far thee well!"

I yanked the tarp thingy off with a dramatic flip, forgetting there was still hair stuck to the tarp thingy, it flew all around, kind of like rose petals did for the guys, but you know, its hair. Of course, my mouth was open and my head was held high, cool and calm. Then, a chunk of hair got into my mouth and I started to gag.

I bolted out of there gagging on hair and all I could here before me as I elegantly made me escape to the great outside was...

"Yep. Definitley a dork."


End file.
